Hilarious Moments in DH

Sorry if this has already been posted, but I didn't find anything on a quick search. What are your favourite funny moments playing DH?

A good one tonight:

Tech-Priest: Okay, what's this thing? Can I make a Tech-Use test to figure it out?
Me (Player): Yeah <GM>, what's that difficulty, "Practically Impossible" at -90?
GM: (laughing) Sounds right.
Tech-Priest: *rolls* I rolled an 8!
GM: *looks through module* Actually... there's a chart in here for that. Do you have any forbidden lores?
Tech-Priest: Chemistry.
GH: *giggling* Okay. With a Tech-Use roll of 8, you can tell... It's shorted...
Group: *hysterical laughter*
GM: ... And it is indeed a machine.
Group: *even more hysterical laughter*
Player in the bathroom across the hall: *hysterical laughter*
Tech-Priest: So I made this awesome roll, and I can tell it's a machine, and it's busted, and that's it?
GM: *still laughing* Yep, that's pretty much it.

It may be a had-to-be-there moment, but it was great.

Also, this same Tech-Priest is working on two servitors, naming them Macintosh and PC.

My players chibi'd a skull servitor I tossed into the game named "Cindy". They're evil.

My favorite moment so far has to be while running the adventure out of the core book, one of the players looks up and says..."What if the whole town is Zombies?"
I almost exploded trying not to laugh as the entire party started discussing, very seriously, whether or not they had to incinerate the entire population of Stern Hope. Luckily, they figured it out and we actually played through the rest of the Adventure.
Though, in all honesty, that would have been a perfectly legitimate and effective way to finish the adventure...they just woulda had to explain it later. =]

okay how about this for a brain fart:

My friend who played thought that if you open an airlock your going to be ok.
He saw some cheesy movie or something the night b4 that showed people brething in a vacuum.....
Surprised was a word i used when his character died horrribly..

Took him awhile to realise his mistake.

Soulknyt wrote:My friend who played thought that if you open an airlock your going to be ok.

Obviously, his character must have read the "Surviving Hull Breaches" section of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. Good man!

"He that believeth in Him-On-Earth, shall live forever!"
2 minutes, and an ungodly amount of damage rolling later: "What d'you mean 'You're dead'?... That heavy stubber did how much damage?!...Well I suppose that explains why my torso is on the other side of the room"

As some context, the above was heard while I was in another room getting snacks. While I am normally the GM, I'd let someone else run a one-shot while I try and salvage my campaign from the plots of players. The guy who normally plays a psyker went for a redemptionist, and spent the entire session being loud, pious and obnoxious. A down-hive street gang took exception, and the above resulted.

My Imp Guard with a Braced autocannon decided to shoot the last Grechin (that was running away!) with full

auto fire!

he rolled a 86 and missed so he spent a fate point to reroll and rolled an 82!

giggles and laughter!!!!!

I allowed him to burn a fate point (he was really annoyed at this point!) only to roll a 79!

We all fell about laughing .

had to make the grechin turn around and shoot his pistol............ Yes, it hit!

Ok.
Were in the middle of a mutant-infested part of the underhive.We exploited the mutants natural oversensitivity to sound to escape into a still working, partially-automated old adeptus mechanicus building to hide and bunker-up.It had automated defense(sensor activated assault cannon! and loud hailers) that we shorted so we could go in. Once in we decided to repair defenses so we coul go on without watching our backs.
Tech priest attempts tech use(+10) roll :
Tech priest : ok... +10, utilitz mechadendrite that should be...below 71. *rolls 85* Crap, fate point *rolls 85* Ok, this machine spirit is dead.
Scum : Hmm, i have tech use as basic(hiver), lemme try.
Tech priest : I.Said.Machine.Spirit.Is.Dead.
Scum : *rolls 03* Look! It worked!
Tech priest : Blasphemy! This is tainted machinery! Of course it works in the hands of a heretek!
Scum : Erm, its me dude...
Tech priest : Never come to me for machine blessings again heretek! I curse all machine spirits that align with you!
Scum : Dude...
Tech priest : *walking away with rest of the party all suspiciously looking at scum* Heretek i say!

The party were on their way to a pit fight, acting undercover as membors of the nobility, and were checked for weapons as they came in. A guard found a laspistol on one of the party, and asked what it was...

"That... oh thats my entertainment stick"

This broke me....

Another moment was when after a reasonable amount of exposition on the npc's part the party were sent off for a final confrontation to kill a daemon... only for me to realise that I had utterly forgotten to give them the macguffin that would allow them, to, you know... hurt it. Cue rewind....

My acolyte juste got a prisoner who they were planing to interogate, though nobody actualy had the skill, wile they were debating a feral gardsmen (who had chose for a background to ave a skull of a deafeated beast as a memento and who he belived was abited by his dead freind in the hunt (named raash) wasent taking part in the conversation)

Psyker: so who's gona interogate him
Preist: can you read his mind
Gardsmen: (speak with his skull)
Psyker: not yet
Presit: he is a mid hiver can you make him talk Celestia (the group femal scum)
Guardsmen: (speak with his skull)
Scum: haaa...no.
Presit: ho! well i guess i'll just give it a try.
Guardsmen: WAIT....(about 15 seconde silence every body waiting)
Guardsmen: RAASH S'GONA DO THE TALKING (puting the skull 2 inch form the prisoners face)
All: histerical laugther

that was priceless that and many other move the guardsmen did in that sense very good rp

One night our group were all holed up in a little fortified room that we had been "interogating" a cultist in, and we knew that six mutant cultists were waiting just outside the dorr for us. My feral assassin is a bit of zealot and tries all kinds of crazy-maneovers while trusting in the Emperor to keep him safe. So we took the hinges off the door and he ran at it full speed and kick it open.

It flew out, surprising the mutants and giving the assassin one free attack. So he went after the biggest one and only barely wounded him. The next turn the assassin managed to (using a power sword) cut the mutants 2 handed axe in half. He then scowled at the mutant and threatened "Fear me, for I am your apocalypse."

The mutant then retaliated and literally knocked the assassins left leg off with his axe handle.

One burnt fate point later....

The team lands on Acreage, deciding to go undercover as Mercenaries in the war of the Rhoze's underway on planet.
The first team of the Guardsman and Cleric enters a duracrete holding cell and answers the questions of the rusted customs servitor. Who speaks out of its highly synthisized vox.
"Names?"
"Zek and Callidia" they reply
"Purpose?"
"Spread the Emperors word."
"You may proceed."
And the door opens.

In walks the well equipped Assassin, Volpe, and the scrawny, reedy Psyker Novus.
"Names?"
"Volpe and Novus."
"Purpose?"
To which Volpe replies "Looking for work."
and to which Novus, in his best false bravado texan voice, adds "of the killin' kind."
Everyone looks at the Player of Novus and then the room explodes in laughter.

Now to give the player of Novus a hard time it is not uncommon to add to any mundane task he chooses to do the phrase "of the killin' kind." Whether its ordering a drink or looking for clues.

It is from these moments that good RP groups gel.

Ran my second game Yesterday...was trying to add osme fluff and created an on-the-spot NPC; AHHHCCCHMed the Gun merhcant with the horrific accent that chanegd from Southern to american to Some Germanish mishmash...who had the requisite "seven starving children at home"...

The later they ran into a young boy ACHHHMet...self-proclaimed "Guide" and REALLY bad thief...ie he rolled double-aughts trying to pick the team-leaders pocket...and failed abysmally on random people in the crowd...felt so bad I decided t make him a more full-fleshed NPC just to give them a weight to slwo them down...everyone team needs a plucky comic relief...

We were expecting trouble so the Arbite in the group headed off to muster help from the local authorities. Meanwhile the remaining four PC's proceed into the final confontation with the bad guys.

One massive firefight later and the Arbite bursts in with the reinforcements to a scene of utter devistation, thousands of shell casings all over the place, no scenery has survived unused as cover and thus the hole laboritory has been pulverised by fully auto fire.

Sadly all the bad guys were dead by then.

We all looked a bit sheepish and apologised for cleaning house too quickly for him to come to the rescue...

In our IRC-based online campaign, the group of Acolytes started planning a raid in cooperation with one of the local criminal mobs. As English isn't my native tongue, I made a small mistake that I have chosen to attribute to my character's hive dialect later on.

Jick: "Ok, listen up, we'll split into 2 teams; one will move to the front shooting, while the other can move in silently by the back. There's a dirt road about 500 meters across some woodlands, we'll squeeze 'em good..."
Taleera: "I'll take the rear door, then."
Halo: "Thats what I figured about you."
GM Brad: *The goons laugh.*
Taleera: ((I get the feeling I accidentally made a pun))
Eisen: ((Taleera, yes you did.))

>_>

PS: Taleera and Halo are both gangers from Scintilla, albeit from rival groups and different hives - which is why neither of them is missing out on an opportunity to taunt the other one, as proven here once again.

I really wish that more of the humorous situations were not based on the fact that the PCs rolled terribly/have terrible chances at success. It's funny once in a while, but it seems to be the biggest common source of 'comedy' and that will tend to get old IMO after a short bit.

Okay then, how about this...

It's a little off topic, since it wasn't in a DH game, but I floored my GM, and had everyone else looking at me incredulously because of it.

I was playing in an old WEG's Star Wars campaign about 9-10 years ago. My character? An Imperial TIE Interceptor Ace working with elements of the Republic/Alliance to bring to justice a criminal wanted by both them and my particular character's master. Ultimately, within the scope of the adventure our ship (a Corellian Corvette) was surprised by a Imperial Star Destroyer which performed a micro-jump right on top of us. Here's how the play went down:

GM: Needless to say, your captain orders a surrender and you're all captured.

Me: I'm not.

GM (looks at me quizzically, while two of the players look like they're about to jump me for betraying them to the Imperial faction we're being captured by): Wha...

Me: I'm wearing an Imperial TIE pilot's flight suit, yes? I'm battered and disheveled, yes? I go sit in the ships brig and wait patiently to be "rescued" from the "Rebel scum" who captured me. The interrogations have been awful. IC directed at the Corvette's Captain: "I'll be in the brig if you need me, sir." -=Exit bridge=-

The GM fell out of his chair laughing (I swear he's where the acronym ROFLMAO came from that night), and the other six players looked at me dumbfounded. In the end, it worked out pretty well, and made the crippling of; and escape from, the ImpStarAce just a hairs breadth easier.

-=Brother Praetus=-
"Educate men without faith and you make them nothing more then clever devils."

That's really not a complaint about this system, as every RPG I've ever played allowed people to fail if you roll badly enough. I'm not sure I'd want to play any game where there was no potential for bad luck.

Here's one from before we read the "willing target" part of the minor power Healer.

<setup>The Psyker attempted to heal me from 3 wounds at the end of last session, and due to me botching a few WP rolls my guardsman stands at 1 wound at the beginning of this one. This reinforces his wariness, because the backstory is that he survived a Chaos incursion as his first mission in the Guard, so the only real Psykers he's ever seen before have been Chaos witches killing his buddies. Top it off with the Psyker causing Phenomena all the time, the last one was the Banshee Howl, deafening him for a good minute in the middle of a firefight, when manifesting wall walk to run up the side of a building, and you can see why the Guard is none too keen on letting the crazy Psyker guy anywhere near him.</setup>

Psyker: Oh, you're still hurt, let me take a look at that.
Guard: *wary* No, I don't think so, I'll go find a healer.
Psyker, Aw, come on, Fourth time's the charm!
Guard: Really, I'll be okay, we're at a church, I'm sure there's some... normal medical care here somewhere.
Psyker: Well, okay... *raises his left hand quickly, making the "peace" sign and waves it around* Look, a bunny!
Guard: Huh?
Psyker: *touches distracted guardsman, manifests Healer*

I used all my fate points off that one roll, since I rolled 96+ three times, finally making the check when it was do or die. So, for the rest of the session, any time there was a WP check involved, everyone told me to not "bunny" it.

So, we had our first session on Saturday. Six players. We re running the Illumination in the back of the big book and the PC's with Bro Lamark go up to see the lights.

Enter the Hexalid... Not sure what a Hexalid is, but it entered. Saw the fear, made everyone test. Of the six PC and one NPC every one except the tech priest failed the fear test and not even by a bit. I had 4 degrees of failure on the rolls. Players were vomiting and passing out left and right. Three almost ran off the cliff trying to get away. The poor tech priest had to burn a fate point to stay alive and keep it together while the party try to recover enough to help him out.

jp

joropa wrote:So, we had our first session on Saturday. Six players. We re running the Illumination in the back of the big book and the PC's with Bro Lamark go up to see the lights.

Enter the Hexalid... Not sure what a Hexalid is, but it entered. Saw the fear, made everyone test. Of the six PC and one NPC every one except the tech priest failed the fear test and not even by a bit. I had 4 degrees of failure on the rolls. Players were vomiting and passing out left and right. Three almost ran off the cliff trying to get away. The poor tech priest had to burn a fate point to stay alive and keep it together while the party try to recover enough to help him out.

jp

Famous (almost) last words:

"What, come on! It's just a little lizard you guys!"

-=Brother Praetus=-
"One day I may find time to actually generate a real signature, until then..."

In a sanatorium the heroes were investigating the occurrence of madness which were suspected to be caused by heretek augmentations, when one of the inmates with an augmented yaw broke loose and attacked the nurse who was serving dinner. the heroes rushed to her aid but she was already dead. she had several dishes of oakmeal gruse on her wagon and whilst the madman tried to charge the heroes the assassin descided to stay back and rely on ranged combat. since they had to drop all their weapons in order to enter the sanatorium, he improvised.... and utilised the gruse as thrown weapon. needless to say, he missed the whole lot and used up all the gruse on the wagon. meanwhile the guardsman was beating the hell out of the madman. when the madman was almost overwhelmed and unconscious the psyker finally started to act. he charged and stabbed the poor guy with his concealed knife.

end of story

Mine doesn't revolve around horrible luck, more like a lousy set up and a... efficient player.

Long story short, we are playing renegades and dregs (two Unsanctioned Psykers, two Rogue Tech Adepts, and two Scum/Gangers). We have taken up residence in the lower part of the underhive, to escape Imperial notice. My PC (one of the rogue Techs) is obsessed with Xenotech and has managed to scavenge and repair a Hrud Tri-Blaster. One of the scum is from a Feral World, and thus is illiterate.

We end up in a fight with a mutant psyker, and she runs away before we can kill her. She summons daemons to stalk us and drive us insane, so we decide to go get some pay back. We load up as many guns and grenades as we can, and set out for the area of the underhive that we last saw her in.

After killing some mutants and interrogating some skavvies, we learn that she lives in a settlement of mutants that is fairly close at hand. When we get there, the DM describe the settlement as hanging from the next level up, anchored around a large plasteel support column. The only way to reach the settlement is to cross a narrow rope bridge, and we can see guard at the other end.

As we debate what to do, my tech adept comes up with "the plan." He quickly checks the range to the support column, checks the magazine on the Tri-Blaster, and then empties it in the general direction of the support column.

The DM thinks, for a second, rolls some dice, and then announces, "Alright... well... the entire settlement plummets into the abyss below." The illiterate scum runs over to the other tech adept, and demands that she write his name on a frag grenade, which he then lobs after the settlement with a hearty "Take that, bitch!"

We laughed for like 10 minutes.

Funny in a morbid kind of way was when my metallican gunslinger went on overwatch to guard a doorway through which tyranid gaunts were due to burst at any moment. Our brave feral guardsman, who had been outside fighting off some of the 'nids decided to retreat through said doorway and (having failed a perception test to realise who it was) got blown to kingdom come by a full auto burst from my Hecuter 5/9.

Lol, this is my first post in this forum. We started playing two weeks ago and untill now there are no dead cases.. yet.

Which is really unusual, since our GM is particulary evil and enjoys watching us suffer. Anyway, here are a couple of funny situations we had so far. There are two reasons we are alive - first, we have been palying for a long time and learned how to survive under this particular GM. And second(which is the main reason actually) - the GM saves our insignificant puny lifes, only because he has more evil plans and wishes to perform experiments on us and our heros... Which sometimes can be really fun for us.

My group consists of two psykers(I'm one of them - a crazy psyker bitch

), two tech-priests and one assasin. We are currently trying to survive in one of the sub-levels of an underhive. We are roaming around the sewer levels where it's pitch black, searching for a creature called Dusk Stalker. We found it of course, or it's more correctly to say it found us. So I have the highest initiative, and decide that the creatures deserves a couple of bullets. I roll 91 at which point I shoot the Assassin(Elian), and for dmg roll, I roll a 10. At which point I hit him with the highest possible dmg and take half of his life. Of course the Dusk Stalker decided to attack the assassin with a melee attack at which point he misses. Elian decides to shoot the Dusk Stalker with a Pistol. Being at point black, he also fired semi-auto and he had to roll hihgher than 85 to miss. He of course rolled a 97

5 minutes later, when we all stoped laughing, the "merciful" GM said the pistol won't jam. Elian decided to use a faith point and shoot again. So he rolled a 99. And the GM said "Oh, excuse me. The pistol jams."

We stumbled across a mutant and we didn't kill him right away, because we had a quest to go to his village. So while we are walking, we make conversation:

Elian: "So.. Where is your village?"
Mutant: "Near a big lake"
Elian: "Is the lake radioactive?"
Mutant: "What is "radioactive"?"
Me: "Does your lake glow in green?"
Mutan: "Well... Sometimes."
Elian and the others from the group: "Sometimes? What the hell?"
Me: "What do you mean "sometimes"?!"
Mutant: "Well... It glows in green... When it's not glowing in red, yellow or black..."

Later, we were at an island, in the middle of the lake. Elian freaks out, because the Kraken suddenly appears and starts eating mutants.
Elian asks the GM: "Man! I wanna get the hell out of here! If I jump in the lake, that glows sometimes in green, and start swimming, will I glow in green, after I get out?"
GM: "Well... That's assumming the Kraken doesn't eat you... Yes, you will glow in green... Sometimes

"

Today's situation was that we had to ask a priest some questions about some criminal idiot. The priest was pretty drunk and was sleeping. When we woke him up:

Drunken Priest: "Beware heretics, I'm under the protection of saint "Somebody"(don't quite remember the name) and no bullet, laser, sword, etc. can harm me!"

If "litteral-minded" was a talent or skill in this system, one of the tech-priests, whose name was Alfa-Beta-Gama, would have it at +120 He looked at the priest, pulled his las pistol, shot him in the leg, rolling a maximum dmg roll and:

Alfa-Beta-Gama: "See! It seems to me that your saint isn't doing his job right. Be careful next time."

So later, we went into a bar of somekind. Our main mission, was to find some genetically modified soldiers and bring back samples to our Inquisitor boss. I use the Power "Sense present" and see that two of those freaks are going to enter from a door in front of us. I was with Alfa at that time and the others were waiting outside(as backup. Truth is we didn't expect to find the freaks there) So we point our weapons at the door and wait for them. The creature that entered were pretty ugly and terrifying so we had to roll a WP save, against fear. I, being a mighty psyker (

) roll a dice of 96. Fortunatly I have unshakeble faith and roll again - 11 (thank the Emperor) Alfa on the other side wasn't so lucky he got a 91. The situation was like that: We point our guns at the door and I call my friends for backup. The two freaks enter, at which point Alfa falls on the ground, unconcious, paralized by fear. I, being a skinny little aspirant girl, found myself in front of two creatures, three times bigger than me, who both decide to charge me, reducing my life from 13 to 0 in an instant. Well, we had the last laugh, since I fired a shotgun in one of them from point blank range using scatter, and Elian, using an autogun blast him into pieces, after firing 8 bullets in him, doing over 50 dmg

We felt relieved at first, until I detected that other four genetically modified super-soldiers were coming downstairs. At that point the GM smiled sinisterly and said: "End of today's session. Untill next time

" x_x

Our very first game of DH was a very investigation heavy game with pretty much no combat, and the Guardsman was constantly complaining that he felt superfluous (the player was having a great time and the complaining was entirely in-character). Finally at the end the group discovered it had to take on a daemon-possessed man and thanks to their investigation skills, they had the lore required to weaken the daemon so that they could keep it under control in combat while they banished it back to the Warp.

The Guardsman was so excited at the opportunity for combat. When the group ran in to the final conflict everyone had to test for fear at the sight of the possessed man and sadly the Guardsman failed, fainting dead away immediately and remaining out cold for the extent of the battle.