Ten Commandments of the Sadistic DM

The Ten Commandments of the sadistic DM (is there really another kind?) are undeniable (should anyone deny them, refer to number 6) and holy truths that every DM should instill (or force) into their players so that the role-playing experience may be enhanced and become more enjoyable to the game’s most important person – the DM. (Should ANY player think otherwise, refer to number 6).

I – Thy players shall have no other DMs before thee. (Should they defy you, refer to number 6)

II – Thy players shall make for themselves a carved image in the likeness of the DM and they shall bow down to him and serve him. (If they refuse, refer to number 6)

III – Thy players shall not take the name of the Lord the DM in vain. (If they refuse, refer to number 6)

IV – Remember the Role-playing Day, and keep it holy. (Otherwise, refer to number 6)

V – Thy Players shall honor the official playing rules, thou shall not honor them, for ye shall twist them in thy favor. (If thy players refuse or complain, or if ye believe they are even Thinking of it, refer to number 6)

VI – Thou shalt kill thy player’s characters whenever they question thy judgement. (And if the monster is defeated, refer to number 5)

VII – Thou shalt forget any and all information that might give the player’s characters an opportunity. (And should they complain, refer to number 6)

VIII – Thou shalt steal thy player’s character’s favorite magic items whenever you feel they have an advantage over thy monsters. (Should they be smart or lucky, refer to number 5, and if still you fail, refer to number 6)

IX – Thy Non-Player Characters shall not bear false witness against your player characters, unless it suits thy needs. (Such needs shall always pertain to number 6)

X – Thy players shall not covet the DM’s dice (loaded is holy), they shall not covet the DM’s position, nor anything that is the DM’s. (Should they covet thy blood in vengeance for what they believe is abusing your power, refer to number 911)

Finally… any confrontation or complaint (real or imagined) that is not covered by these ten holy principles shall be dealt with… well, by referring to number 6.