Hilarious Moments in DH

So we're playing the game from the corebook and we're in the final fight against the half daemon when our assassin gets a brilliant idea.

She runs out of the temple down to where the PC's have stored the bomb from earlier on in the adventure (I'd made it a promethium bomb), opens it and get a water jug and fills it with the explosive liquid.

She then runs (sloshing flamable liquid everywhere) back to the temple and throws it at the big-bad, shoots him in the back with her compact las sets him and everything around him on fire just as the daemon declares "I'll take you all to HELL!"

So now the door to the temple (which is full of terrified people) is on fire and the rest of the PC's are trapped.

With a burning daemon.

To make matters worse the daemon is soaking the damage the fire is doing to it and is now getting BONUS damage to its attacks.

'Cause he's on fire!

To make matters worse the assassin messes up her athletics roll to jump across the flames and join the rest of the PC's and ends up in the fire, forgetting that she has no wounds left and has to burn her last and only Fate Point to stop herself from dying.

And the PC's are still frantically trying to avoid the daemon, who is merrily burning away like a bonfire.

In the end a combination of mass-shooting and flames finally did for the creature leaving only one PC standing.

To make matters more amusing the assassin never spoke of the incident again and since no one saw her set him on fire the rest of the party never knew the flaming daemon was all her fault!

Sister Kaladnei wrote:The Guardsman was so excited at the opportunity for combat. When the group ran in to the final conflict everyone had to test for fear at the sight of the possessed man and sadly the Guardsman failed, fainting dead away immediately and remaining out cold for the extent of the battle.

the failing of most gunbunnies in Dark Heresy.

BossMorgrum wrote:Mine doesn't revolve around horrible luck, more like a lousy set up and a... efficient player.

<snip>

The DM thinks, for a second, rolls some dice, and then announces, "Alright... well... the entire settlement plummets into the abyss below." The illiterate scum runs over to the other tech adept, and demands that she write his name on a frag grenade, which he then lobs after the settlement with a hearty "Take that, bitch!"

We laughed for like 10 minutes.

Very funny. Good plan with the Hrud Tri- Blaster though.

From my Necromunda campaign:

As part of the mission parameters, Nemo the Faceless (the group's 'controller' for that story arc) assigned the players a servo-skull which was tasked to follow them around and provide them with a way to contact him, as well as allowing him to keep tabs on the group. Nemo asked that one character take responsibility for the servo-skull, for which the Arbitrator volunteered.

Fast forward to the group infiltrating a notorious bar to meet with a guilder contact. The group had to wait around for a bit while the guilder dealt with some other business, and the Arbitrator decided he was going to chat up a couple ladies at the bar. While his RP pick-up lines were simply cringe-worthy, he managed to roll absurdly well on his fellowship and convinced the trio of Escher gangers to join him in a private booth for a little fun. Now Eschers generally have very little use for the male of the species and their idea of fun was dramatically different from what the Arbitrator had in mind. Once they got him in private they slipped him a mickey (which he failed to notice and then completely failed to resist) - I ruled that he blacked out in the booth and then moved on to the rest of group to deal with the guilder contact. Once that finished, the rest of the acolytes came back downstairs to find the Arbitrator groggy, bruised and broke. He had no recollection of the events that had transpired.

I reminded him that the Servo Skull had been discretely following and recording him, so from that point forward whenever they spoke with Nemo, on a viewscreen in the background behind him ran a recording of the three Escher girls rolling the Arbitrator and doing all sorts of inventive and unspeakable things to him while he was unconscious, much to the amusement of the rest of the group...

It's now the 3rd most watched holo-clip on Necromunda, and it came back to haunt him multiple times throughout that story arc. Old employers, ex-girlfriends, and Nemo himself wouldn't let him live it down.

So today we had another session and I believe that there are two moments from it, that need to be recorded in history

First one:
Me and Elian(the assasin), we were on the roof on some building. The other part of the party is waiting for us with a Chimera downstais, but as soon as we start descendin an enemy came to the roof. He didn't notice us, but he was carrying a Hunting Rifle and we taught that he was going to shoot us, when we went down. So, the assassin started descending, while I casted "Chameleon" and went to the idiot, holding an Action Shotgun. I went at point blank and shot him. I have the lowest BS from the party - 27, but I shot him. He saw my position and he tryed to shoot me with the riffle. The GM rols, and the dice show 98. We all begin to laugh and the GM says: "His weapon jams." So it's my turn again and I shoot him again and yet again I succeed. It was his turn again and he drops the riffle, gets the gun and tries to shoot me again. The GM rolls and this time it's... 99. We laughed for about ten minutes and the GM says: "Well, OK, let's assume that you kill him, since both his weapons jam and he is Very afraid of you now."

The second one:
One of the tech-priests(this time it was a dude, whose name's D) is captured by the bad guys and they are going to torture them. And since torture goes against Willpower, the GM wants to have some fun, because D has 36 WP. The GM rolls the first time and he gets 96(failed). The guy that plays also rolls(By the way, his name is also D) and he gets 34. The GM tries again and this time he rolls 97. D rolls again, this time with a +10 bonus to his WP and he gets a 100. BUT, he uses a Faith point and this time he gets 18. The GM tries for a third time and this time he rolls a 89

D rolls with a +20 bonus to WP and he gets a 4. At that point we all start laughing, D says to the torturer: "You sure you are doing things right? Because I'm getting really bored here." And the torturer says: "Ok, I'm going to give you some time to think over things and decide if you want to talk to me again when I return." And he walked away with the little dignity that he had left... Which was none, because even the guards were laughing and shaking their heads.

I must say, this was one of the few sessions when the GM was screwed. Since our enemies were the police(they were corrupted) we roamed through the neighbourhood with the Chimera, killed about 10 heretics and we stored the munitions, weapons and gear into the Chimera. We armed ourselves pretty heavily and charged the police station with the Chimera... Well we didn't destroy it all.. Just two walls.. we alsko squashed two heretics

GM: You're louning and sipping recaf as you wait for your next shuttle. Finally the adept returns, informing you that your shuttle will be delayed for three days.

Arbiter: Well, we just have to keep our heads down a few days and make use of the R&R. Remember: Low profile.

Assassin: Yeah, ok. Three days, huh? I casually observe the other transients. If anyone sticks out I'm gonna kill him.

GM: Huh, what? Uh, a scrawny guy with red hair kinda sticks out.

Arbiter: What the- Is your character some kind of psycho?

Assassin: Hey! Three days without doing the Emperor's work? Besides, I'm not going to murder anybody. He just might have an... accident.

Arbiter: No way, I heard you. You said "I'm gonna kill him!"

Assassin: ... Just a bit?

Oh, and by the end of the session the scrawny red head met with a fatal accident.

-K

A couple from tonight's session:

The party is investigating a gladstone smuggling ring, and we've found the on-planet contact, who happens to be a gang boss. We're trying to figure out how to get him without winding up in the middle of a shootout with and entire underhive gang (well, without dying in said firefight, anyway).

Arbiter: Okay... if we really need to, I can try to requisition a couple of suppression teams to go in with us. Then we beat them senseless with shock weapons, grab the boss, and run before any gang reinforcements can arrive. Maximum force, minimum exposure.
Psyker: Yeah, but that makes this whole thing really official. Why don't we bribe a rival gang to attack the turf nearby, and while all the reinforcements are running towards that, we hit the house?
Assassin: Too noisy, and what if the other gang backs out of the deal? Why don't we cut the power to that area...
Tech-Priest: Wait, you can requisition suppression teams? How about just a Rhino?
Arbiter: ... Uhh... *looks at GM, GM thinks, then nods really slowly* Maybe. Why?
Tech-Priest: Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to get the Rhino, bust through the area, smash through the house's front wall, grab him while they're still surprised, and then leave in the Rhino. It's perfect.
Arbiter: Except for the part where we can't get the Rhino that far downhive. Some of those tunnels are so small you can only walk three abreast, and only about ten people can fit in the maintenance lift. And then the small matter of sneaking up on a gang boss in a freaking Rhino.
Tech-Priest: ... Okay, new plan. I'll mount an auger on the front of the Rhino, we dig through the maintenance levels, and come through the ceiling. They'll never see us coming.
Group: *stares at him in horror*
GM: Okay, you remember that the house is located in the hive's support structure, yes? And that billions of people live here?
Tech-Priest: ... Okay, new plan. We get the Rhino, mount the auger, and I'll rig a hopper on the back to lay rockcrete as we go...
=========================
The group has captured a gladstone smuggler after he tried to kill members of the party. The Arbiter gets his Interrogate on, gets the location of the smuggler chief, recites the litany of the Emperour's Absolution and shoots him in the head (he was forthcoming and didn't resist the interrogation at all, and therefore assisted members of the Holy Inquisition in their work).

Tech-Priest: What!? Why'd you shoot him? I wanted to make him a servitor!
Arbiter: He was an admitted drug smuggler, trafficking in hereticus material.
GM: Which is indeed a death sentence.
Tech-Priest: But he was in the custody of the Inquisition!
GM: Which makes it more of a death sentence.
Arbiter: *looks quizzically, then turns to delight* There are levels of death I can sentence people to? Sweet, next time I'm gonna sentence someone to super-ultra-mega death and let the heavy weapons gal kill him with her heavy stubber!
Guardswoman: *smiles sweetly* I'll just set the gun to "puree"...
=========================
GM: So, you walk into the Precinct house, and go through the weapons auspex.
Psyker: I left mine in the room.
Tech-Priest: Me too.
Scum: Uh, I probably set it off.
GM: You brought a gun into the Precinct house?
Scum: Yeah... so I give them my sword, my knife, my two autopistols, my other knife, oh, and my autogun.
GM: Wow. Just... wow. So the auspex goes off and you slowly hand over your armory to the nice guards with large guns that are now aimed at you. *quirks eyebrow at Arbiter*
Arbiter: *facepalm* Yeah, it's okay everybody, he's with me.
=========================
Tech-Priest: I found the proper cable, so now I hack into the Administratum internet-thingie.
GM: Tech-Use to beat the security.
Tech-Priest: Okay, I got it.
GM: Okay, now a Tech-Use or maybe Inquiry to find the information.
Tech-Priest: I'll go with Tech-Use. *rolls* 90. *rolls* 90. *rolls* 80.
GM: Okay, you spend three hours so completely awash with raw data that you feel like you're drowning.
Tech-Priest: Yeah, yeah. Hey, as long as I'm here, is there any porn? *rolls* Sweet merciful God-Emperor, I rolled a 12.
GM: Okay, so as you're cut adrift, doing the mental backstroke through the seas of raw data, you start to drown but are fished out at the last minute by a yacht full of joygirls doing unspeakable things to each other.
Tech-Priest: Now I'm curious, what kind of things?
GM: You took Chem Geld last session, so it doesn't really matter, now does it? You jump right back in the data, completely uninterested.
Tech-Priest player's girlfriend, from across the room: Ah ha, serves you right!
=========================
GM: You find a seedy underhive bar. You think you might be able to pick up a lead here.
Psyker: Okay, I walk into the bar.
Assassin: And I duck under it! Ba dum crash! Ah, cha, cha!
Group: *groan*

That's all for now. More after next session.

Orbital farm, in geosynchronous orbit pretty much over the palace/fortress of a suspected heretic, a noble they reckon is dealing in not only xenos artifacts, but slaves as well.
They can't risk just waltzing in to sneak about and gather evidence (thanks to their earlier actions), and they don't have enough proof to justify getting a bigger hammer, and any unsupported assault will leave them dead.
So, they come up with a plan of commandeering a satellite which can keep looking down at him and try and get some dirt that way.

They storm aboard, demand to see the station administrator, pull out their inquisitorial warrant and declare they are "...seizing this station for strategic grox purposes"

First session: The assassin/bounty hunter (mad-max style char known as Gob) is asked to prove his loyalty to an anti-imperial rebel group by bringing back an arbites helmet. He sees a trooper breaking up a roudy crowd and attacks him just as he calls in back up. The assassin misses with his shotgun and pulls out a sword. The arbites pulls out a shock maul

. Cue several bad rolls and Gob ends up with a fractured hand, broken leg and wakes up in a cell awaiting interogation. lesson learned.

Last session: the group had met up with an arms dealer trying to flog a case of astartes pattern boltguns.
The guardsman reaches around to scratch his back and the dealers goons pull out autopistols on the group thinking he's got a weapon. All hell breaks loose for 5 seconds and the goons and dealer are floored but not killed by a volley of shots in a brilliant round of shooting. The guardsman kicks away 1 goons pistol and yells "Clear!", the Tech-priest swings his axe around decapitating the second goon and yells "So's mine!"

Ok so I am currently running Shattered Hopes (slightly modified) for my group as their first mission as acolytes. The group is made up of an Imperial world Assassin, a Feral World guardsman, a Voidborn Psyker, and a Squat guardsman (using the rules from the Something Other Than Human player created supplement).

So the players have gotten far enough into the Gorgonid mines to have reached “the Shatters” part of the mine. The only light sources they have are flashlights given to them by the imperial guard quartermaster, and they are navigating the mineshafts by using a data-slate map.

Well during an ambush by some mutants with stub revolvers the group is caught off guard being attacked from either side. So the pysker decides that he is going to use one of his favorite powers “Spasm” to cause the mutants to shoot each other as they fall over twitching. Before my psyker player rolls to manifest his power, I remind him that I have decided to use the rule that, if you can use invocation and have a high enough WP bonus to use a power without rolling, that you do not have to roll to activate the power and can therefor avoid psychic phenomena. However the player decides that he will roll and risk psychic phenomena in the hopes of getting overbleed and increasing the number of targets effected by his Spasm power.

So the psyker steps up to face the mutants he wants to target and activates his power and of course rolls a 9 (his 4th 9 in the 1 1/2 missions he had played in so far

). His roll on the psychic phenomena table results in a screeching sound coming from the psyker so loud that it shatters all glass within 1 kilometer. Shattering the lenses and bulbs in the flashlights cracking the screen on the data-slate and plunging the Acolytes into total darkness. So then the squat guardsman who the pysker is standing directly if front of raises his combat shotgun and holding true to his Imperial guard training unloads into the “witch” who has lost his mind and attacked the party. Several die rolls and a lot (and I mean a lot) of damage later, the psykers body (which is missing a leg, most of an arm, and huge chunks of its body and face) is sent flying through the air by the shotgun blasts towards the mutants that had ambushed the party. Then on his next action the feral world guardsman then flings a frag grenade up after the body

, which kills the remaining mutants and further mutilates the now very beyond dead psyker.

The funniest part of the whole thing is that my squat player and my psyker player are best friends, and so the entire time he was rolling damage my squat player kept apologizing for killing his friends character. My psyker player took it very well and I think he is going to burn a fate point to live (he spent all of them for the session trying to dodge the shotgun). So now the fun begins

. The characters are almost completely in the dark (they have made some crude torches but they only have 3 and because they used firebomb fuel to soak them in they are burning way to fast) and they have no idea where they are or where they are going o.O . lol

N.B--Text have been edited revoming OOC and other unrelated text/lines.

Situation: Cyprian (Albino voider who's an Arbitrator) adn Kalta (fromer hive ganger turned tech-priestess) are meeting a A.M. chemyst who hands Kalta a Most Ancient and Holy Chemycal Analyser for later to analyse some powder.

<Brad-GM> AM chemyust "BZZ..May the Omnissiah guides your steps..BZZ.."

*Kalta bows her head respectfully to the Chemyst "And yours as well" *She turns and looks at Cyprian like he's done lost his head or grew a second one* "No one else will even get near enough to think about touching it, let alone learn what it does" *She carries the briefcase in one hand, her other hand is in her robes, resting on her laspistol*
<Cyprian`> "I like you when you're angry like that."
<Kalta> "Really?"
<Cyprian`> "Yeah, shows you have guts."
<Cyprian`> "Or.. whatever it is you have."
<Kalta> "What else would I have inside me... at least for the time being"
<Cyprian`> "Right.. the second part of that statement is the scary one."
* Kalta smirks "Only to the unenlightened'
<Cyprian`> "Um.. Thank you?"
* Cyprian` is still kinda uneasy after being called fleshbag
<Kalta> "Not yet, but you will..." *She could be joking*
* Cyprian` wishes he didn't hear that
<Cyprian`> "Let's just get back, shall we?"
<Kalta> "Whatever you say, Fleshbag"
<Cyprian`> "I was affraid that name might stick."
<Kalta> "It's what you are. You can't help it. I only called you that because i saw the look you had when the Chemyst called you it"
<Cyprian`> "I don't really think that a former human turned vending machine should be calling people names."
<Cyprian`> "HE TOO started where all of us start."
<Kalta> "Yes, but he has been perfecting himself for a long time.. The flesh is weak and needs to be replaced"
<Cyprian`> "Um, as long as you guys replace only your own flesh I'm kinda okay with it. It's just the weird feeling of being regarded as worse only because I'm not in your secret club that gets on to me."
<Kalta> "I believe that I've been the one that name calling was directed at more the anyone else. It doesn't bother me..." *she gives a slight shrug* "It shouldn't bother you. You -are- flesh and bone. You -are- a meatbag. It's not so much a name as an observation and you shouldn't let it get to you" *She looks up at him and gives him a wink* "Let's get back, hmm?"
<Cyprian`> "Since you put it that way, sure, I can be a meatbag, just don't overuse it."
* Cyprian` smiles and leads her to the car

OH MY GOD-EMPEROR! A MATCH MADE IN THE INQUISITION! Can't wait for those horrbile, horrible half man half machine albino babies..

------------------------------------------
And Last session, as Lynata posted, Halo (the Metalican Gunslinger scum) and Taleera (The ex-hive gang assasin) are at it again!..Those damn broads..

<Brad-GM> ***Your group managed to get to the Arbitrator's Fottress, but not without problems; Eisen got a big gash in his leg, and Orthos decided to remain behind to tend to the civilians tere. You learned that there's something, a mahcine perhaps, blocking the Astropath's signal to off world. After getting euqipment and volonteers in the form of 2 policemen and a man dressed in white, you, the 3 volonteers and 2 Arbitrators armed wiht shotguns and autoguns make your way ot the motor pool to get a vehicule***
<Brad-GM> ***The sun is starting to get up on New Haven, and the echos of battles are heard all around the city***
<Halo> "We might need to call in, whats that thing called? the one where we kill everyone?"
<Taleera> "Uh, nuke?"
<Halo> "No, Exterminatus, or something. Duh."
<Halo> "They didnt have schools on your street corner?"
<Taleera> "Schools? What, you've been to gang university or what? I've learned all I need on the streets."
<Halo> "I went to the school of hard knocks, bitch. Looks like you went to the school of pimped out bitches!" She grins
<Brad-GM> Arbitrator 1 "You two shut up! We got a job to do, you'll bicker AFTER."
<Brad-GM> Arbitrator 1 "Now get in.."
<Taleera> "If professor here makes it, which I doubt..."
* Halo gets in.
* Taleera climbs onto the Chimaera, attempting to make herself comfy on one of the hard chairs inside.
<Halo> "Who is ready to kick some mutant, and alien ass?"
<Taleera> "Starting with your ass, eh?"
<Halo> "Well, unlike you, I have a great ass."
<Taleera> "Yeah, it's huge."
<Halo> "You should really get off yours more, and get some exercise. What do you call that, 'sniping'?"
* Halo looks at Taleera, "well, you know you want the gun that lets you sit in one place."
<Taleera> "You got a problem with snipers, sister? What, your boss got picked off by one?"
* Halo snorts.

Deep in the bowels of Hive Sibellus on Scintilla, my players were investigating an insidious bio-tech heresy. My players constitute a squat, mid-fifties Moritat Assassin, an amazonian Feral Guardswoman, and two Void-born Psykers -- one young and spry, the other ancient and withered.

In the course of their investigations, the Assassin attempted to scale a suspicious building to get a look in the second-storey window. Alas, she grabbed a crumbling gargoyle and fell so hard she dislocated her arm. The group decided to retreat to the Coscarla Hostel (the inn) to mend their wounds and rest. The Guardswoman stayed behind to hide in the trash and keep tabs on the building.

After the group was assaulted in their sleep by Obscura-maddened hive dregs the young Psyker decided to attempt to use his warp-spawned powers to heal the injured Assassin while the elderly Psyker kept tabs on the treacherous innkeeper.

Our young psyker just can't seem to keep his warp powers under control -- over 3/4 of the time he causes psychic phenomena or Perils of the Warp. That being said, upon attempting to heal the injured Assassin, he suffered the "Daemonic Mask", momentarily turning his face into the visage of a Plaguebearer. This startled the Assassin so badly she fled the room screaming, barreled down the stairs into the lobby and ran straight into a wall, knocking herself unconscious.

Our characters are now rapidly going insane; each has at least ten insanity points or more, all garnered in their first adventure. The funniest part is that most of them were caused by the spooky old withered psyker and his overuse of "Terrifying Presence".

God-Emperor, I love this game.

Priest beats mugger into unconscienceness with an improvised weapon while screaming "FOR THE GOLDEN THRONE!!!!" Now maybe it had to do with the fact that improvised weapon was a chair.

Braddoc wrote:
<Kalta> "What else would I have inside me... at least for the time being"

Sorry to be crude but how could anyone miss that joke oppurtunity?

We've had a fairly intense, gung-ho start up until now - getting familiar with the game mechanics - so most laughs have come from weird die rolls. The trio of Tech Priests particularly stick out. One of the players has requested a background plot concerning the Magus who "lent" him to their Inquisitor, so he's been finding cryptic instructions scrimshawed in machine code here and there, urging him to gather information on various oddities of the meatbags around him. The one message he's so far been unable to get at is meticulously inscribed high up on the inside thigh of the bionic leg the cell's resident assassin was imlanted with, after the gory conclusion of their first investigation. It's just some random scratches to the others, which makes it very amusing to watch him try to find yet another way to get a quick peek at it...

So far, he hasn't even questioned how any of the messages got there in the first place.

Some dark humour was had when we ran a modified version of Shattered Hope. The cell enters this abandoned scientific station, deep in the arctic and isolated by storms. Contact has been lost with those posted there. Something ancient and terrible has been dug up from the ice, and before long the mutated survivors come hollering, brandishing drilling equipment and whatnot. The group fights valiantly and picks off a few of the enemy, when suddenly everything goes quiet and something BIG approaches. It's a mutant monstrosity and a firefight ensues, but they only manage to get in the odd hit or two - reducing the monster's health by fractions - while being slashed and torn badly themselves. Until... the meekest of the Tech Priests fail his Fear test, pulls his laspistol in a frenzy and crits the bugger from long range with a single shot, igniting death by spontaneous combustion.

A short while later, desperate close combat breaks out as the surviving muties stage a desperate ambush. The now emboldened Tech Priest leads by example (from the last rank) by pulling his pistol again, surely blessed by the Omnissiah! But misses. And they've cornered the enemy in the Prometheum storage room...

I also have my moment during the playing my modified version of Shattered Hope. Acolytes were ambushed near the dreadfull gap (on the other side as they approach) by mutant-abomination-on-steroids-with-nasty-pick. Tech-priest was down (little shock from big skull-fracture (if you see all that wires...)), scum was literaly down (holding at the edge of gap) and it comes to the hlaf-naked feral-world guardsman (with sword and lasgun).

Azuz(Guardsman): "Sweet Emperor..."

Abomination: "Grraaaaught!ghdjfgf" (imagine on yourself)

Azuz´s player: Hm, behind that monster, there is that gap?

Myself(Gm): Yep...

Azuz´s player: OK, I´m knockdown... or... wait a minute... kick-down!

Myself: What?

Azuz: THIS... IS... IMPERIUM!

I had my group in stitches when, after a particularly bad cock up, the inquisitor awarded our groups Assasin to the Adept as his slave

We're playing a variation on the Illumination adventure in the Core rules. The PC's are trying to bodyguard Aristarchus the Seer while walking through the wastelands when a Jeep load of gun toting folks roll up on them.

Brother Domis (PC sanctioned psyker) to Aristarchus: "Don't tell them who you are, they may be trying to kill you."

Chick in the front seat wearing Sororitas novice robes and pointing a laspistol: "Which of you is Aristarchus the Seer?!"

Brother Domis: "I am Aristarchus!" rolls deceive - 02

Apparent Sororitas rolls scrutiny - 97, she shouts to Domis (believing him to be Aristarchus): "Milord these men are heretics here to kidnap you!"

She then shoots the real Aristarchus in the face. He crumples.

Brother Domis: "Um, that was Aristarchus"

Mine was in my version of Illumination (which is pretty much how it is in the book, but tweaked up a bit due to my average PC rank being 3.5). This includes my PCs having been given/bestowed some awesome weaponry (power sword, bolter, etc--I used to think the weapons should be rare, then I noticed nearly every named thug in Purge the Unclean had them as well as the source fiction and figured rare is a very figurative term for 40k

).

Anywho...spoiler ahead.

During the scene where the Voicers are attacking Stern Hope, a number of my PCs take refuge at the Cathedral's vestibule, peeking out and taking shots and such at as many of the Voicers as possible. Eventually the battlefield encounter with the suicide bomber comes up. One of the PCs (Guardsmen with a bolter) decides to take matters in his hands as these guys keep pushing forward and move closer to the cathedral's doors. He takes aim and fires.

Unfortunately, he took aim at the explosives.

Not the guy with the explosives of which the meat would've taken the brunt of the kaboom from the bolt, but the might as well be Krak 2d10 X while scoring a degree of success AND gaining Righteous fury on his first shot of damage.

I think the final tally of damage was 52. I told the PCs taking cover in the vestibule that the Cathedral's badassery would take 16 damage.

It got worse...when the PC got his bolter, one of the first things he decided to do with the gun was get a chain and belt so he could secure it too him. So, when the big boom happened his ammo went kabloowey.

only the God Emperor and Fate Points kept what's left of him around.

First Post.

I'm running a campaing where the players are part of an Imperial Guard Tactical Intelligence gathering squad. They were sent to investigate a finished assault on a ad.mech. convoy. They had 3 PDF troopers from a city called Narc with them, the only extras they could fit in an borrowed ad.mech. flier.

The landed by the site and found lots of dead Skitarii and servitors. The enemies (xeno-lovers) had left, but had tried to destroy the cargo of the Ad.mech convoy with no success.

The party had called for reinforcements (more PDF troopers), but the PDF leader in Narc where corrupt and had ordered the PDF to kill them. This had not been transmitted to the 'poor' PDF troopers in the company of the party.

The scout succeded in a paranoia check and hid in the woods with most of the party except the Tech-priest who didn't hold with gut feelings and the like.

The PDF opens fire on the Techpriest while he tried to convince them of their mistake. After 3 volleys of fire, which mostly misses, the techpriest finaly gets it, when the PDF troopers attack their ad.mech. flier (with lasguns). He he.

The other party members and their 3 confused PDF troopers try to make their way to the flier in the cover of the woods. They convince 2 to assist and the last one flee the site. During the firefight one of the PDF troopers die and the other one cover their escape.

They quickly start the flier and take off, throwing a few blister gas grenades down on the PDF troopers attacking them. The second they throw them they remember the valiant PDF trooper who covered their escape and who was right behind them trying for the flier too. Right below them he was hit by the two blister gas grenades right in the head. Much repending for killing of a loyal servant of the Emperor was done afterwards.

Last session the players encountered the following (short version)

On space station, NPCs cult members who test out new designer drug in gas form, results are drug induces a psychoactive euphoria (slaanesh) whereupon the populous of the station start getting it on/killing each other and themselves/ mutilating themselves etc. Gun servitors are realised to kill populous by NPC as death screams of that many psykers opens warp breaches.

cut to PCs hacking and blasting way to launch bays through daemons and servitors, testing toughness not to be infected by drug (smart ones had rebreathers on) the guardsman however does not. fails and feels nice and funny. The tech preist has a control for his drug injector (frenzon fitted to guardsman) which also has detox in it. Tech priest notices guardsmans condition and hits the detox button. Guardsman evacuates from every oriface, everywhere, in the middle of combat.

i laughed so hard i was in pain.

OK, this one happened last night. it's not and in game thing but it was funny.

The groups Tech adept (roger) had spent about 4 turns trying to figure out an imperial/xenos hybrid power generator and kept failing his rolls, using his character sheet as a rolling mat. After the 4th fail, Bob (1 of 2 assassins) says to roger "Why don't you roll on the carpet instead?" Roger grabs his dice and does a test roll to see if it works, getting a 12. Barrie starts giggling, Roger looks rather disgruntled and Bob looks at him and say "Ha! That pissed on your strawberries!"

Cue 5 minutes of laughter and a time out.

I poorly planned a brief encounter where I had two pilots taking the acolytes down to a planet turn out to be heretics and whip out their pistols. However, I had forgotten to have the acolytes store their weapons and one of them had quick draw.

<NPCs> Don't move!
<Acolyte> *Quick draw* No, you don't move!
<NPCs> ... err, you're outnumbered!
<Acolyte> No, you are!

After that the game sort of paused as I tried to figure out how to manage it. It still went fine as they killed the pilots and went tumbling down to the planet. But it's become a recurring joke.

New ones from our game tonight.

We're investigating a smuggling ring, and are trying to take a gang leader in for interrogation, raiding his underhive (very pitiful light that far down, making combat a pain) house. The gang leader is an unsanctioned psyker, and had used Distort Vision (man, what a pain that is to fight against!) to get past us into the doorway, where the Arbiter Psy-Detective had tackled him. He got out of the grapple, stood up, faced us, and manifested Fearful Aura, the GM ruling that his face turned into a Demon's face and he roared at us from one square away. We all actually passed our fear checks, and the Psyker and Tech-Priest shot him the leg. The Gunslinger and Assassin finish off his henchmen as the gang leader stumbles backwards, away from us.

Ganger: Back off! Who... who are you!? GM - Arbite, you're up.
Arbiter: *thinks for a second, then grins* We are the terrors that flap in the night!
Group: *groans*
====================================
Earlier in the fight, we're coming down the steps. The Moriat Assassin peeks around the corner, sees five gangers, and ducks back around as they spray suppressive fire. The group huddles at the corner, and then the Psyker announces he's manifesting Chameleon. In the low light, they're at a -50 to spot him. The next turn, the Psy-Detective uses Distort Vision and makes his illusion stride out into the open, drawing fire. The Psyker calmly walks out, levels his hand cannon, and shoots one of them in the head, killing him.

Assassin: Well, I was gonna just sit here until they ran out of ammo, but now the Psyker's making me look like a coward. Can't have that. *runs out of cover, charges the gangers, and cuts one's head off* See? Not a coward at all.
Psyker: Maybe... but I was out here first

One of my players had been taking extensive notes about names and info re NPC's in our most recent adventure. At the end of last session this conversation took place:

Player: "Crap!"

GM: "What?"

Player: "I just realized these notes aren't going to do me any good."

GM: "Why not?"

Player: "We killed all of the people I took notes about."

GM: "Really?"

Player: "I didn't mean for it to be a hit list, it just turned out that way."